Photos are like old friends to me. Some stand out more than others, but they all have a way of reminding me of a specific time, place and feeling. I cant go back through my hard drives looking for something with out a few hours passing by. It feels strange to say but I love them like my children. Some thing magical comes over me every time I pick up my camera. I loos track of time, my body warms up and I forget that I’m not good enough for the world. All I can think about is the beauty in front of me and my insatiable need to capture it.

I haven’t always been this way. I have spent years being afraid of my longing for expression. I even went so far as to lose my camera for several moths so that I had an excuse not to have to shoot. Early on when I first started my business I wasn’t prepared for all the unworthy feelings I would experience. To my virgo mind, making money while creating art was a far fetched idea and one that only the most touched and blessed were able to accomplish. Those people out there that sold their images as pieces of art to hang on others walls were icons to me. I never really believed that I had what it took to be that successful. Even when potential clients swooned over my art, I brushed it off as they were just being nice. I made excuses like I had no idea what to charge, or I didn’t have time, to avoid making a sale. What I was missing, and the biggest missing piece of the puzzle wasn’t that I didn’t feel my art had value, I felt that I did not have value. My art was just an expression of me, and if I couldn’t accept myself, I would never be able to accept my art.

This started a long journey of adopting self acceptance. If it wasn’t for my insatiable desire to continue to create art, I don’t think I would contain as much self love as I do today. It feels like so long ago that I was frozen with fear every time I thought about showing my art off to the world.

Now, I can say that it’s a different story! My art is still an extension and expression of me, but it has also taken on a life of its own. The idea channels through me and I give it life. I give it a canvas to rest and be seen. I see myself mostly the same. I believe we all were created as a canvas for a larger force that needs an outlet of creation, and who am I to negate my value or put myself down. I can’t say this is always an easy concept to uphold but I am allowing myself more and more to accept this notion and I keep allowing that life to breath through me into my work and into my life in general.

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